Marriages are made in heaven they say but one lives the life of a married couple on Earth – so guess that’s where the challenge lies!
Although we knew each other since 1994, we informed parents about our intention to marry only in 2001, by which time we were both working and well settled financially. There were issues because of our background and religious beliefs (more on that later!), but the parents took a year to prepare for the wedding. We were finally married in January 2002.
Ideally you would think the best possible way to approach the institution. We’d known each other for so long – we’d shared experiences, we had the same set of friends, we came to understand and accept each other’s shortcomings. We knew how the other reacted to uncomfortable situations, our opinions and views about people, family, work etc.
Yet after marriage it was a task, a huge one at that to adjust, compromise and settle into a married life.
Perhaps we didn’t count for the fact that we’d be with each other 24×7! Even if we argued it would no longer be switching off the mobile phone and going to bed. He’d be in the same bed with me!
The year we spent (along with our parents) on planning, preparing, buying clothes, jewellery and gifts for family, sending invitations, talking about menu, discussing how many people would attend each ceremony (Ai buro bhaat – the last meal that the groom/bride eats as a bachelor; church wedding, gaye holud – yellow/turmeric on the body, Hindu wedding, receptions – one for the family and the other for external invitees etc – yes we did it all!), we didn’t give any thoughts to our life after marriage. We definitely didn’t believe in ‘happily ever after’ but we weren’t thinking of our expectations from each other.
It didn’t strike us simply because we didn’t think it necessary to ponder on – after all we’d known each other for so long!
Interestingly, marriage was a steep learning curve for both of us!